Hurt

Something that will always be apart of me, something that will never go away, something that ONLY God can help me thru it.
Thru the the fire He is always there.


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Mental Battle

Nightmares, all the feelings that I have the fear, anger, bitterness that I have bottled up. I thought I had gotten rid of it. But it is hindering me from moving on with my life, I have a fear of failing school,  I am fearful of people, the fear of not living up to the expectations of people in my life. For People know me as the funny friend, one that will do anything for you. I love seeing people happy, for when they are happy I am happy. So every part of my being is fighting this inner demon that is bogging me down with depression and fear, I need to release all this emotion but I don't like expressing my emotions or feelings, showing emotions is a sign of weakness. But I'm finding that by bottling it all up it is ruining my life, and causing me to battle myself and trying to hold myself in check. Yes I know I'm suppose to look to the Lord and trust Him, and maybe I should see a counselor. But I am to afraid of talking about stuff that I have worked so hard to push back in my head for years. Depressing topic for my first blog post in forever, but I have to say this or I will bust or my mind will burst. I'm not asking for pity, sympathy or even someone to talk to me. I just need to write this out for my sake. All I can ask is for you to pray for me and when I want to talk to someone I will, it just has to be on my terms and when I want to do it.


Working on everything a day at a time.