1st: Today I have been quite moody, maybe slightly depressed for some reason. I have been thinking about how old I'm getting and the fact that I haven't figured out where or what I'm suppose to be doing, and all of these younger friends are graduating from college with degrees knowing what they want to do. I get the dreaded question, "so what have you been up to"
And I don't have anything to say.
2nd thought: boyfriend less.
Is there something wrong with me? I have never really had anyone like me (guy wise) and the thought is am I ugly am I to fat is that why I'm not deemed "attractive"??
I'm always comparing myself to all my friends, wishing I could be tall, thin maybe have a better personality. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?
I know the same old words "The Lord will bring the right person for you when you least expect him too" like seriously it's easier said then to believe.
3rd: religion: I have grown up in a Bible believing home, but I'm older now and I have heard sermons all my life. I can memorize scripture easily, I know all the stories from the bible. But I don't know what I believe, I feel as if I have a giant wall between me and God, and I have had it for what seems a long time. I haven't gone to church in a long time, I don't know the reason, maybe I haven't found a church that is where I feel like I belong.
I'm confused and sad, but the weird thing is that I have days where I feel like this and other days I'm fine.
Signing off for right now
-A hot jumbled mess of confusion
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